The man-woman relashionship is fraught with pain and glory and warmth and wonderment. It's certainly worth the trip. I've liked your words, they show insight. For all my talk, I'm very slow. I don't like to rush although I sometimes do without noticing. I'm sentimental as all shit. It's my nature. I'm tough too. I can be a bitch when I have to be and sometimes I have to be. I don't believe that in getting paid for what you do, that being a professional, necessarily detracts from your art. It may detract from yours, it doesn't from mine. Many people get paid for what they do. And they do allright. Starvation and obscurity are not signs of genius.
Maybe one day these words are going to land like an H-bomb into all this literary serenity. I don't think so. They just heal me.

Domestic blend

This post will not contain any pictures because in all honesty, there is nothing to see. The visuals have gone overboard and my mind is in some blurry state, near nothingville. The lemon tea eases the debris and I want to return to my home, now.

I would trade my soul for my bed, my books, my mother(?).
Earlier, in the train en route to Bayrige I pushed the emergency button that lead to my deepest thoughts, remembering this week and the damage i'm exposing myself to. Perhaps Ry's awful driving skills and the xanax didn't help. Perhaps the ridiculous amount of sex and Jameson has something to do with my childish ranting right now. Not to repeat myself, but i really wish I were home. I think i lost my job. I think I couldn't care less because performing visual prostitution on a regular basis wasn't a goal i wished to achieve. I knew I would hate New York if New York broke my heart. Which it didn't, i'm just too close to myself right now and it's frightening how the panic attacks are caused by a lack of sleep and a boy i barely know. Two bodies engaging/sweating can cause irreparable harm to a woman like me.

This is a desperate world with little to no hope. I gave up on trying to find the purpose of my being and what I do. I am here and it's a mistake for both the merciless companion and myself. It's a mistake for those i lie to.